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Blogs > EroticMusings2 > Sensual Dreamscape

Coping With The Reality  

EroticMusings2 59F  
1562 posts
8/21/2021 3:30 am
Coping With The Reality

I'm going to be very candid in this post. This is just the inner turmoil of a lonely woman who cant sleep. So take this all with a grain of salt
lt. I just need to be able to express myself.

Of course I cant sleep, sleep and I generally are not friends. No BFFs here at all. The other night I got a full night sleep for the first time in years. It was fantastic. The may be some underlying factors to this, but I attribute much of this due to the fact that I can not get my mind to shut off. For hours I will lay there, then I will try reading. meditating, pacing my room.

Sigh, so tired of this. I really want to get on a nice schedule. Something I can count on, By nature I do best with schedules. Nothing iron clad though I always believed that you needed to stick to a pretty consistent schedule when raising . They do best on a schedule for sure. I have been doing alot of self reflection, and it hasn't been easy at all. Digging out all the crap that you tend to not deal with internally, is like cleaning out those catch all rooms or long neglected garage. But I am at the point in my life that I need to do that. I need to deal and heal from many things in my past, put to rest what I need to after wards. This is a brutal thing for me to do. I am a pleaser. nurturer, I enjoy taking care of people. That is easier then taking care of myself. So shaky territory for me.

And realizing that some relationships I have had for a very long time have come to a end. Never easy to look at changing your life, and all the questions that go with that. But I cant sit and be frozen by fear anymore either. I know I can and will manage to do what is right for me. I think you have to look at just yourself, not dependant on anyone else being in the picture. What if you were going to be alone> ? You Have to be able to be happy alone, and healed alone. Other wise any relationship will never work out. I cant depend on anyone else to make me entirely happy. Yes being in love enhances and urges you to keep doing well.

I have never had the support of family or a loved one to do anything I wanted. Whether it was going to college, work, even fitness goals. Never have I ever been encouraged or supported. How sad is that? Even working from home on many different things that were successful, it was not supported if I would need a hand with any household chores, or shipping etc. But when you have it, It is a wonderful feeling.

Aren't we supposed to encourage each other in a relationship? Having this now, makes such a massive difference to me. It is that sounding clap, encouragement, caring and love. That you want to see that person do what they want, and be happy. I have always done that for everyone else, and now I can see how a real relationship should be. It should be all facets of your life. Spiritual, emotional, sexual, mental, etc. That one person who you know will call you out when you try to not deal with your issues.

I told you that I have a lot on my mind. When you realize that you are on the cusps of needing to make some major changes in your life, it is like assembling a recipe. Certain steps need to be taken in a certain order and time factore. But I do know that my future looks very bright and I have faith..........

Sleep, why cant we be friends?

Ann
*Creative Outlets of All Forms thru Me*

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