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What advice can you give to someone who can't seem to let go in a break up?
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What advice can you give to someone who can't seem to let go in a break up? I met a man on here and have seen him twice. He is fresh out of a break up and I knew going into this that it was mostly for support and a possible friendship. Aside from how his appearance has changed in the week since my last visit, his place is more cold and not at all as welcoming and home like. He lives in a trailer and it's very cute and has me thinking twice before making my next big purchase. He didn't speak about his break up, other than it was his fault and he made a big enough mess of it, that not only was it over, but the way it ended was permanent. It is a break up and they can be painful, but you gotta move past the separation and occupy your mind with other things until it's just not there anymore, right? How do you relay something like that to a person when they can't grasp what they are supposed to do after the relationship ends? The first time we met was after his second attempt to commit suicide. He is now seeing professionals and this is definitely outside my realm of reality but medication and diussing your childhood doesn't seem like the best way to proceed and making sure he doesn't do something again. How can you get so lost in hope or dream that you can't find your way out? . |
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6/14/2018 9:53 am |
Most situations like this one require professional help. I repeat PROFESSIONAL help. Point him in the direction of a therapist, counselor or priest then head quietly and quickly in the other direction Luv. Jimmy B. My blog JimmyB7474 is called Into The Woods (erotica) entertaining stories about a guy named Jimmy. Enjoy.
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Most situations like this one require professional help. I repeat PROFESSIONAL help. Point him in the direction of a therapist, counselor or priest then head quietly and quickly in the other direction Luv. Jimmy B.
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As for how you can "get so lost in hope or dream that you can't find your way out," if someone is going down a rabbit hole, it's important for them to accept that THEY fell down the rabbit hole, and that they can get out of it either by themselves or with help. It takes a lot of balls and humility to admit that you're not able to get out of your own Hell by yourself, and hopefully your friend will be able to make progress. Realistically if his place wasn't welcoming, and if you had any concerns about him, his breakup, or what baggage he had, think of yourself, your well being, and your safety first.
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how long has it been since his break in the previous relationship and to the point you met? maybe he wasn't ready to deal with the new relationship, but he was just looking for "rebound", just to make HIM feel better, which it never work like that... he can never fill his void, with something new, that might work temporarily but it's not helping...until he has got to be strong and think about it by himself what he really wants and from here, where he is gonna go in his life and what he is going to to... especially if the break up was his mistake, which he said he did, according to you, he must learn something from that...not dwelling on the worst part ain't gonna do any good...the other person ain't gonna come back to him, chances are very slim to none...he needs to understand what he can learn from it...and adjust him to the future... i get it, you wanted to help him, and all and all, in the same situation i do, too, if he was someone already close to me, but if he was new to you, he needs to spend his time alone a quite lengthy time to get him heal emotionally, and time to think about himself, otherwise he is just using you...i would take that as a red flag, especially now he is trying the suicide twice!!! in the end, you are the one get hurt...he is gonna drag you down... sorry probably this is not something you want to hear...i get it...but you are close to my daughter's age...and i just wanted to give you advice, if you were my daughter...i have numerous big breakups...thought about committing suicide...so i am speaking from my own experience... as far as suicide goes, he probably needs to go see doc about depression/anxiety, and get some meds...or see counselor so they are gonna professionally help him...again counselor is gonna guide him into the new direction about finding himself... but the bottom line is, it must comes from him...you can't help him, if he doesn't wanna change anything...i know it's a traumatic experience...but if he is looking for someone to fill his void, that just not gonna do it... good luck...
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As for how you can "get so lost in hope or dream that you can't find your way out," if someone is going down a rabbit hole, it's important for them to accept that THEY fell down the rabbit hole, and that they can get out of it either by themselves or with help. It takes a lot of balls and humility to admit that you're not able to get out of your own Hell by yourself, and hopefully your friend will be able to make progress. Realistically if his place wasn't welcoming, and if you had any concerns about him, his breakup, or what baggage he had, think of yourself, your well being, and your safety first.
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He is mentally ill. the brain does not work correctly .This disorder may have caused his behavior that ruined the relationship. He is toxic ,beware as many of these people do not know they are latching onto healthier people to drain their energy and distract themselves from the problem .They do not think there is anything wrong with them so getting help is difficult .It is good for him he has sought help .Understand that drugs do not fix the cause of the brain disorder ,and talking cannot change the abnormal neurochemical balance in the brain either .I would keep a respectful distance , being polite . until much time has passed and he has gotten very much better . YOu do not want that job of trying to relate to a person in such a state at the moment . Protect yourself first ,do not become the co dependent to an ill person . I had to deal with it for 21 yrs and it sucks .
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Not enough data to make any meaningful diagnosis. Suicide? Let me give ya a scenario regarding that-- My ex-wife (of 24 years) told me of her "suicide" thoughts... 6 months AFTER we were divorced. She said she had been in therapy for 3 years, until she decided to dump me... for Big-Dick, as I like to call him. Hmmmm… I asked her..."Why did I never know anything about this supposed 'therapy' "? Her reply, in her exact words: "Because you just didn't care!" Selfish people seldom realize their own problems--they'd rather blame others. How was I to care about something I was never made aware of? How is it that she ain't dead? How is it there were no records of payments to the therapist? It's shit like that which destroys relationships--not being "...lost in hope or dream..." Life goes on... and on and on. Don't waste your time trying to analyze his issues. Analyze your own...and then do what you can to eliminate the obstacles in your own pathway. Solar...
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How do you relay something like that to a person when they can't grasp what they are supposed to do after the relationship ends? .... You can't. They're broken. Sure he can pay someone to talk to them... but in the end he/she has to snap out of it, ...............or not. The first time we met was after his second attempt to commit suicide. ... You should have walked away after getting that information. but medication and discussing your childhood doesn't seem like the best way to proceed ... Really it isn't... doesn't actually cure the patient. When medication doesn't fix and end the problem, then the patient is only being hooked on pharmaceuticals . Without people dependent on pharmaceuticals the pharmaceutical companies don't make any money. So curing the patient is not in their best interest. and making sure he doesn't do something again. ... No way to "Make sure" of that. Only he can "Make sure" of that. What advice can you give to someone who can't seem to let go in a break up? .... Nothing... that person is broken. Attaching yourself to him/her will only mess up your life. Lose them.... go away.....find someone else. .
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Plenty of great advice from previous posters and I agree with all of them and there points. Let me ad this.... To me you come across as a person with a heart and those are rare these days. It shows me that you most likely think of others before yourself and there is nothing wrong with that all. BUT IN SOME CASES you MUST know when to be "SELFISH" and put yourself first. I am not saying walk away from this person but what I am saying is DEMAND that he get the proper help and support him as best you can before entering any type of relationship. Unfortunately I am giving you this advice after I myself learned the hard way. I was brought up to be kind, humble and giving. It is my nature to help others even if it meant or means sacrificing my own well being. I thought I could "FIX" anything or anyone......and I was wrong. It's especially hard when there is emotional or physical attachment which often clouds ones judgement. I hope that your friend pulls things together and you can update us in the future about a positive outcome for him. But realize that this is "not your problem" and that HE ALONG with his professional guidance/counseling must figure it out. If it gets to a point where your not comfortable then it is best you walk away.
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Thank you for the comments. He is seeing a processional which is what many of you suggested he should be doing. He is aware he's broken and doesn't want to be. I entered into this to be a friend. I knew he needed that. I'm not accustomed to bolting when someone has problems or things get tough. Good to know how many good people are left out in the world who understand the importance of friendship. Those who would disappear at the outbreak of a flu or when your friend looses a family member deserve what you get.
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Thank you for the comments. He is seeing a processional which is what many of you suggested he should be doing. He is aware he's broken and doesn't want to be. I entered into this to be a friend. I knew he needed that. I'm not accustomed to bolting when someone has problems or things get tough. Good to know how many good people are left out in the world who understand the importance of friendship. Those who would disappear at the outbreak of a flu or when your friend looses a family member deserve what you get. I knew he needed that. .... There's a really good chance that you will only enable him not to get the help he needs, and eventually you will get hurt. I'm not accustomed to bolting when someone has problems or things get tough. .... You're not talking about a long time friend or family member, you're talking about some broken guy you found on the internet....... walk away. You are pretending you're going to be friends with him [aka platonic , no sex] , but soon enough if you stay there, he's going to make it known he wants to fuck. Stop playing . Walk away.
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Just an update: He is a different person from the man I originally met. His morale is better, and he isn't fixated any longer on a person he knows will never reach out to him. There has been no suggestion of or discussion of sex, and that's what he and I wanted from the get go. He needed a friend. I did to. We are just that. He has even tried to help for my perfect non-existent man.
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