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Blogs > CynicusMaximus > Hooct Un Foniks Wurct For Me

Walking Through the Mall  

CynicusMaximus 52M
399 posts
12/30/2018 8:23 am
Walking Through the Mall

Is it just me, but do military recruiters sound like the creepiest perverts in the world?

Most are in their 40s and hanging out in the mall looking for to lure into a web of empty promises.

I was walking through the mall yesterday on my way to buy 3 lbs of cherry sours... not even making that up... but as i made my way through the relatively empty mall the music began to fade and a conversation began to come into ear shot.

An Army recruiter approached a young boy window shopping in front of a video game tore and said,

"Hey there, young man

You look nice and strong, you like football? How old are you, you 18 yet? Wanna follow me?"

I almost told that to run, but that launched into a poorly informed yet effective rant on the military and their empty promises. So, i continued on my Wizard of Oz journey through the mall on my way to get some cherry sours and ended up walking behind a slow meandering guy who managed to be in both areas for me to pass at the same time with his pendulous sauntering. I found myself stuck behind him impatiently trying to get past him and the sound of his shuffling feet were echoing through the mall like a metronome that was driving me insane.

I said, excuse me, but he never responded. I just kept looking at the back of his neck sway from side to side like a buoy on a rough ocean.

I repeated myself, this time a little louder. Still nothing. He continued unbothered and his pace continued.

Now, to explain what was about to happen, i feel like i have to explain something about myself. I have a super fast pace and maintain a certain velocity throughout my day and any deviation makes me a little grouchy. Especially, when i feel like someone is hindering my pace. This eas not his fault, he is just so big that he can no longer hear people behind him, but i see my goal ahead of me and this guy is in the way and he's getting tired of walking and the labored heaving breath is starting to override the sound of his shuffling feet, so...

GAWD DAYUM, DUDE! I HOPE YOU ARE WALKING TO CHICK-FILLL-AA, MOTHERFUCKER, BUT WILL YOU PUH-LEASE GET THE FUCK OUTTA THE WAY. I AM WALKING BACK HERE AND EVEN DIABETES IS GETTING IMPATIENT WAITING FOR YOU TO MOVE THE FUCK OUTTA THE WAY.

Well, he heard THAT.

He moved. I finally made it to the candy kiosk and grabbed an extra pound of cherry sours. Not because I'm a glutton, but just because i felt like i earned it.

With my prize in hand, it made my journey back a little less troublesome.

luciegirl2 55F  
508 posts
12/30/2018 5:15 pm

 mmm cherry sours, I like having a few balls in my mouth


CynicusMaximus replies on 12/30/2018 6:39 pm:
That L-shaped hallway at South Park between Sears and the Mailbox place!
Lol, you better stop! I've been trying to to take you up on that offer.

TicklePlease 56F  
13851 posts
12/31/2018 4:12 am

 I don't know what I like more... "pendulous sauntering" or "even diabetes is getting impatient"!!!!

I swear I need to start keeping a list!


CynicusMaximus replies on 12/31/2018 5:32 am:
You should hear behind the old lady at the ATM.

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