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| Blogs > Loreli_Sea_Wytch > My Blog |
Finding her faith
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Finding her faith Finding her Faith She was always saying I will pray for you! You are in my prayers, And she did do that, each night and in the early morning hours she lit the candle in her circle of Angels All her life she had tried to do the right thing It did not always work out as she had wished But it did not really get to her she just brushed it off After all she said her prayers; she was a good person, It wasn’t her fault if things went wrong. When she lost three of her precious In a horrific car accident; she was not driving, It wasn’t her fault though her husband said it was. She went inside herself into a make believe world. She; god help her, truly believed they were still alive. The boys were away at Boarding school, her away on holidays or the were visiting their grandparents. Anything so she did not have to face the truth the reality they were dead On a warm night with rain falling heavily and lightening hitting the earth she sat in an antiseptic hospital room holding her Eyshia s’ hand the wee bairn was dying from Leukemia…. She sat at her babies side listening holding that So tiny fragile hand, She did not notice when they turned off the life support machines and the room was deathly quiet none of this did she notice. She is gone said the doctor as gently as he could. Knowing how fragile her mental health, but still She sat there holding the beloved hand, telling her all The things they were going to do when she was better. Finally she was taken from the room under sedation She listened to her husband’s cruel words as he Screamed at her, but her dead eyes saw nothing Her ears did not hear. She had refused to go to the cemetery, her Were alive.. But this day reality came crashing down Upon her. There in front of her were ’s’ headstones. Her brother-in-Law tried to catch her as she crumpled, and fell to the ground in a dead faint It took many months in a private facility and intense therapy, to bring her back to this world. Part of the therapy consisted of admitting to and Finally tell the truth about her babies. Her remaining her eldest helping her…. But still she skirted around her faith, still saying I will pray for you, please if I can help you, let me Please do not think badly of her, in her way she Believed what she was saying, she really did want To try and help her friends, but not let anyone touch her where it really counted… but looking back I do not think she realized that Events over took her and she found herself on the streets. Deserted she thought by her relatives and friends Two proud and ashamed to tell her Just how bad it was and that she was homeless Then the final thing, the incident that finally broke her. She had fought illness and chronic pain for almost three years; she had taken on her Mortgage company Standing up to their underhanded and bullying tactics; The death of her closest friend, when he committed sucide.He could not face life after his mercy killing of his terminally ill wife; The death of four friends from a similar illness as hers. However, when she lost the friendship of someone she loved deeply, they thought she had lied to them andthey turned away. That nightshe felt her heart shatter into a million shards, she cried uncontrollably. She lit the candle within her Angel circle, but This time it was different. Trying to talk through her tears she put herself in Gods’ hands and told him whatever happened in the future. She would accept, no longer would she question, no longer would she blame others for her mistakes. That night she refound her faith of her childhood She slept that night for the first time in months She slept the whole night almost 12 hours The first thing she did was light the candle and pray When she had had a cup of tea she started sorting out her things when she felt something in the lining of her handbag. It was the tiny Star of David and gold chain she had been given by her Great grandmother and her friend who lived in Istanbul on her last visit. She broke down and wept really wept; when finally she stopped she was exhausted and fell asleep again. The next day when she returned to her friends’ garage there was a message waiting for her to ring her Real Estate agent. With trembling fingers she dialed the number. Her face lit up as the words Emily was saying sunk in; tears rolled silently down her face. Her house was sold, and the mortgage company was accepting the buyers bid. Emily explained she was handling the sale of my property not the mortgage company. The Banking ombudsman had threatened to look more closely at the breaking by them of the original contract. A private conveyancing company had been retained to handle the sale and not the legal firm attached to the mortgage company. She would get the proceeds left over after the mortgage and fees of the agent were taken out. After she got off the phone she rushed to her angels and gave thanks to Mother Mary, Saint Mary McKillop and God for their kindness to her, the relief of having a roof over her head once more. She promised she would try and live up to their expectations of her, to live a life where she really did help people and be there for her friends. She asked them to understand, sometimes she would falter, trip and make mistakes but she would get up dust herself off and try again. She also promised herself no matter how long it took her would earn back her friendship with the one she cared for so deeply…. She now knew her renewed faith and her knowledge that heaven did not judge her or hate her, but understood her fragilities and loved her still, would give her the strength to face anything that came her way.  |
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