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Blogs > rm_bella_ > Confessions Of An Italian

Remembering  

rm_bella_ 54F
3312 posts
4/21/2009 8:08 pm
Remembering
Today is the one day of the year that I always cry, I always reminice and a day where my heart bleeds for what I believe I have lost.

In my life I have had my fair share of men but only one real love. I was in my late 20's and it was the one and only time I was engaged to be married. It was a point in my life where I let my guard down because he let me honestly believe that who I was, was perfect for him and in my heart of hearts I believe I was also.

We were together for 4 years. He did not demand my love but made me love him through his kind heart, his sensibility and his passion for me. And I truly believe that if it wasnt for what a greater power had in store for us we would have still been together.

Many years ago tonight, a Saturday night we had an arguement. A stupid disagreement and because of my age and inexperience with what really matters in life he left me at home to fulfill an obligation we should have fullfilled together. I remember it was raining hard that night and I cried myself to sleep thinking of how self centered he was. I was awoken by the doorbell and a 2 police officers standing outside....and that was the end of my world.

A car accident, a stupid accident. Driving home he lost control of the car due to the rain and it rolled into a ditch. The ditch was filled with water. His seatbelt snapped while rolling and the door glass broke. He landed face down in the ditch and drowned there. During his last moments he was drowning and I was sleeping out of self pity.

Every year on his anniversary I go down to his grave to lay fresh flowers and a note. Over the past years the note has changed some but remains the hardest note I write. I visit his parents and we have a pleasant dinner for I was close to them always. This year is no different. I went to visit him and say my goodbyes once again and wonder what could have been.

I was a young woman then. And now I wonder if he would have liked the woman I have become. I wonder if we would have had , I wonder if he would have loved me as he loved me so many years ago. I wonder many things. I just sit and let my mind wander...and wonder all the the same time.

So tonight this blog post is dedicated to him. Just to let him know I think of him often, that I miss everything about him especially the way he made me feel about myself and the way I learned how to love.

Se dovessi smettere di portare una Rosa
In un giorno di festa,
Sara perche al di la della Rosa
Saro stata chiamata -

Se dovessi smettere di prendere i nomi
Che i miei germogli commemorano -
Sara perche le dita della morte
Suggellano il mio labbro mormorante.

emily dickinson.
Nubiandream004 62M
Ask me for a photo

4/21/2009 8:15 pm

 Very beautiful Bella. I'm sure he is happy to know you continue to live your Life and keep him in your heart.

*Hugs*

"To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die." ~Thomas Campbell


edadian 49M
Ask me for a photo

4/21/2009 8:19 pm

 Have a hug Bella.


sixftcharmed 51M
609 posts
4/21/2009 9:08 pm

 I am sorry, and I will pray for his soul and I am sure he watches over you now. Thank you for sharing.
Looking for fun or trouble can sometimes end up being the same thing.....


rm_Raquehard1 54M
Ask me for a photo
1734 posts
4/21/2009 9:31 pm

 The place he holds in your heart, will always make the love you felt and still feel for him burn brightly in you... Shine on


DoctorBooty 43M
6426 posts
4/21/2009 9:40 pm

 {=}{=}


6FootBoy 49M  
1318 posts
4/21/2009 10:08 pm

 You were destined not be there. There is some other destiny for you.
So sorry about your lose. Chin up.
Hugz
...BoySixFoot...
-----------------------------------------------------------
Simple truth: Who says the truth is simple?
-----------------------------------------------------------


Sorceror07 61M

4/21/2009 10:32 pm

 i don't have words...
...That which does not kill me merely pisses me off!...


danteszippo 59M

4/21/2009 10:55 pm

 He does love you still, and knows you grieve.

He is and always will be a part of you and you a part of him.

Our physical beings are a temporary part of our souls unending path.


rm_mvsmike 66M
12785 posts
4/22/2009 12:44 am










Bella I am so sorry. Your story made my heart weep as well. The most difficult thing is moving on and turning the loss into gain. He sounds like he truly loved you with God's unconditional love. He would want you to move forward becoming the very best you can be.
God's love be with you Beautiful!!!
My love to you with a big warm

{{{{{HUG}}}}}







How is it you relate with that special someone!!!
We are Relational Beings and How to Communicate

A moment of lust
does not equal
The eternity of true LOVE

Keep your heart true and pure
Get it RIGHT
Or get LEFT









MuchMusicMan1968 56M
2316 posts
4/22/2009 1:32 am

 Big huggs for you Bella.


slowpoke1 69M
405 posts
4/22/2009 4:09 am

 Your dedication to his memory stands testament to the depth of your love. How could he possibly not love the woman you are now, as much or more than he loved you as you were then?


rm_icequeendc 43F
95 posts
4/22/2009 4:26 am

 The Ice Queen cried at this. I wish you the best.


Luvsweetly 63F

4/22/2009 6:47 am

 Oh GF...my heart feels for Your pain (wiping tears). YES, he likes the woman YOU have become!!! hugs and love
TASTE LIFE IN ALL IT'S FLAVOUR


dreamsofromance 65M

4/22/2009 7:25 am

 Lovely piece...you are in my prayers.


rm_JaybytheSea4 56M
292 posts
4/22/2009 2:31 pm

 Bella, sono molto spiacente di sentire questa perdita nella tua vita. Lui ti vede e conosce che cosa fate.

A Very touching story
My place [blog JaybytheSea4]


NickRules999 46M
9458 posts
4/22/2009 4:59 pm

 *hugs*
Come into my realm! You aren't afraid...are you?


rm_bella_ 54F
4029 posts
4/22/2009 5:39 pm

 I just wanted to thank everyone for the kind words...I appreciate it.


sexymermaid6956 70F
26383 posts
4/23/2009 7:12 pm

 Bella beautiful Bella....he would have loved you ten fold and then some...hugsssssssssssss and prayers for your heart and soul which will forever be with him!!!!
[]

Seduce my mind and my body


jim5131 62M
1296 posts
5/18/2009 8:30 pm

 Hi Bella...long time..I remember you mentioning this years ago and how it affected your life. Love lost, however it is, is so much harder when there never was a goodbye...or a chance to meet again. I use this as a lesson to realize each day what it is; to realize those simple blessings that we seem to overlook; to appreciate those around us; and to hold dear those moments that typify a deep friendship. I'm praying for that mark on your soul to heal, my dear.

..impari molto, lungo in tensione, amore profondamente..


gougeaway77 46M
Ask me for a photo

10/6/2009 3:53 am

 sorry to read that its hard to lose true love ulook 4that the rest of ur lfe then ihave only been engagedto marry once to so sme boat here condolences ur asweetie


RajLooking 52M

7/19/2011 6:35 am

 i feel sorry for u as u lost someone who really loved u.


Touch_N_Go11 55M

10/21/2011 12:14 pm

 The fates sit and work blindly at their looms.
We struggle to untangle the broken strands and twisted knots.


CHIKIKIK 51M

1/19/2012 8:42 am

 Che peccato mi dispiace moltissimo...


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