Find Local Older Hookups Now
Reset Password
Reset Link Sent
Find Local Older Hookups Now
| Blogs > 40Deuce > Sherry Stringfield's ass in 93 |
Hi . I forgot your name . Whatever . My point is . . . show me your boobs
|
Hi . I forgot your name . Whatever . My point is . . . show me your boobs Did you know that if you put 6 Connecticut (that's the one with the stupid dead trees right ? ) quarters in a Dr. Pepper machine it will malfunction and start dispensing root beer until it runs out at which point all the change it will start spraying out of the coin return like you hit the jackpot at the Sands ? Bet more win more that's my system . Did you also know that Scandinavians (which does not Finns) used to believe in Hjimborjg the "Goat of Travel" . His deal was that if you put walnuts in your shoes and left them outside of your stupid Scandinavian hovel sometimes he would come to eat the walnuts (I guess he had a shoe fetish) and if you were stealthy you could leap onto his goat back and then he would magically take you wherever you needed to go . Then Christianity came around and they changed it so he would only show up if you were a pious Christian , no walnuts required . But they also added Huurekenfjorg the Goat of Travail , who might show up instead to try and trick you - and he would goat-ram your ass all night if you didn't say the Lord's Prayer 7 times backwards . Because Christians always have to bring in another guy who's a jerk because its a dualistic religion . Which is why Americans are so angry and confrontational . Speaking of , I had a dream the other night that I was on (the) Family Feud and the question was "Name something that's uniquely American" and I said "racism !" and the audience booed and then Steve Harvey punched me in the stomach . Like most dreams it makes no sense on several levels . The other day at work a lady said something about getting "Lapper Dancers" for a party . It took me a few minutes to figure out she was talking about strippers . I wonder what happens to turn a lap into a lapper . It sounds like something my grandma might say , if she was talking about strippers , which she wouldn't be . Hmm , I usually post a picture right ?  As you've no doubt noticed , I'm a sensual man . I try to strike a balance in life between my serious , stoic , and businesslike side and my irresistible , sexual nature. It's a balancing act of awesomeness . Alas , like you , I find myself adrift in a sea of sexual deception with slowly deflating pool floaties and a semi-turgid pool noodle . How can we trust anything we see and grope in these days of butt implants and artificial strap-on vaginas ? And it doesn't even have to be as permanent and expensive as surgery ; there are plenty of low budget ways to turn yourself into a sexual tyrannosaur . It's becoming a chore to know if what you see is really what you're going to get when there are so many ways to make yourself appear more alluring that may literally fall apart when the lights turn off . Or turn on , if you're into the strobe light thing like I am . I could write a real blog about where I've been and what I've been up to , but , eh , sounds lame . So instead I present a new game that's going to sweep the nation - Which have you done more recently ? 1. - Eaten a banana or masturbated ? I had a banana yesterday , I haven't "jerked off" as the say in weeks . 2. - Had a first kiss or tried a new food ? This all depends on how you define a new "food" does that mean a new dish ? If so I had grouper stuffed with crawfish a few weeks ago . I haven't had a first kiss since July maybe ? Or June . If we're talking about a wholly new food I can't say . Its been a while . 3. - Done something really irresponsible (like having sex while rollerblading) or cleaned our your closet ? I could find zero pictures of rollerblading sex - I hate the internet now . I cleaned out my closets a few weeks ago . I haven't done anything really irresponsible in a while . I can't remember what the last thing was . 4. - Bought new shoes or bought a new sex toy ? I just got new running shoes yesterday . And I got some new brown loafers the day before . I haven't bought a sex toy in years . But you know , I'm a dude . So . 5. - Wrote a letter or baked a cake ? I wrote a letter to my Grandma in August . I made cake shortly before that . I'm going to make a pumpkin pie today . I want pumpkin pie . Hey , remember that time I posted a picture of myself humping a pumpkin ? What was that about ? I'll tell you . My originally idea was that I would carve a sexy face on the pumpkin and just make it LOOK like I was sexing it up from the backside , and I would take a picture of that . But then I remember I can't carve for crap . So Instead I did that . Because you can't buy a pumpkin and then not do anything with it . Then I made pumpkin pie out said pumpkin and brought it to work . They ate a pumpkin I had my cock in . I win . 6. - Traveled out of the country or went to a concert ? I haven't done either in a while . I saw TMBG last year I think . I haven't left the country since my parents 45th wedding anniversary . 7. - Plotted revenge or watched two or more movies in a row ? Revenge is for chumps , I'm all about prevenge now . Fairly recently I watched Die Hard and then Safety Not Guaranteed . I think I watched the Lord of the Rings movies back to back to back a LONG time ago with my then GF . She loved sex . A lot . Made me think there was something wrong with her . Which isn't fair because when dudes want to get it wet all the time no one thinks that's weird . Except for me . 8. - Adopted a pet or had an ice cream cone ? I should get a new cat . I've been losing interesting in things I once liked , which is a sign of depression right ? Don't worry , I still love shoving food in my fat face . I adopted my now dead cat in 1998 I think . I eat ice cream semi-regularly but not cones . I've probably had one more recently . Maybe at sonic with GF at the time - the one with the messed up vag who didn't like sex at all . I don't blame her either - that thing was tighter than a metaphor . 9. - Danced a dance or sung a song ? I was just singing along to "Goodbye Old Friend" moments ago . I think I did a shirtless cabbage patch at some time this year to make someone throw up . Worked like a charm . 10. - Threw up or did an awesome wheelie on your bike ? I threw up sometime last year when I poisoned myself with tainted beef . Fun fact , if you freeze cottage cheese (which I did accidentally) don't eat it . Unless you're constipated . Then go to town . I know I shouldn't find this funny because I'm fat but last night when I was driving to games I saw a fat in a batman t-shirt on his bike try to do a wheelie and eat it hard . What was even funnier was he jumped up and started celebrating like he was the shit . I admire that . You go fat Batman . 11. - Blogged or made up a story about magical Scandinavian goats ? Tie Putting first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first. |
||||
|
Maybe Lapper Dancers include oral sex in their repertoire. If I played your game my answers would be (in alphabetical order) blog cake closet concert ice cream cone kiss masturbated movie marathon shoes threw up Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation bangs on the door forever!
| |||
|
Wow, superbj for the win, alphabetizing her answers. masturbated (I don't like bananas) Hm, as you say, depends on how you define "new food". But probably first kiss. Irresponsible thing (if you count wearing sandals while driving and letting your foot slip off the brake pedal so that your car is creeping through the 4-way stop). I got new boots this week. I never write letters anymore. I baked a cake for the office mega baby shower a couple weeks ago. Concert Neither? Ice cream cone (although it's been quite a while, but the last pet adoption was roughly 1983). Toss-up I've never done a wheelie so I guess it will have to be vomiting Blog Be sure to adopt a hypoallergenic cat in preparation for visiting blog friends.   
| |||
|
1. Ate the banana while masturbating with the skin, I try to do my part to save the planet. 2. New food, I don't ever buy used food. 3. i know what's in my closet so cleaning my closet would be irresponsible so I pass on this question. 4. New shoes, running shoes so I run fast when I go to steal some sex toys later today 5. Baked a cake, I can't think of something funny every time. 6. Traveled out of the country was touch and go sneaking back into the country. 7. Plotting revenge, it's what I do. 8. You didn't ask about marrying a pet so I pass on this question also. 9. I don't dance, I don't sing, Mime, that's my thing. 10. Barfed probably, I can't remember. 11. I only tell true stories about magical goats in my blog.
| |||
|
Alas, the boots are not super exciting. My calves are too grossly muscular/fat to buy those tall dominatrix boots that are so hot. OK, I may have fantasized about running into my ex somewhere in public, and being with some impossibly hot and intelligent guy who clearly adored me. That's pretty lame in terms of revenge plotting, though.
|
Become a member to create a blog
